Finding Calm Amidst Chaos: My Journey to Overcoming Anxiety
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Chapter 1: The Onset of Anxiety
Recently, I found myself preparing for three Jiu-Jitsu competitions over the next three weeks, with a total prize pool of $10,000 on the line. I was thrilled about it until, during training, I bent awkwardly and aggravated a spinal issue. Now, with only three weeks until I’m set to compete in one of the biggest grappling tournaments in Poland, I struggle to even put my shoes on.
The embarrassment and fear from this situation were overwhelming, and yes, it sparked a wave of anxiety. Even though the only physical pain I faced was from my tweaked L5 disc, the mental strain felt far more intense. As Seneca wisely said, “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”
Fortunately, I have navigated these turbulent waters before, and I’ve developed strategies to cope with the feeling that everything I cherish might slip away.
Section 1.1: The Burden of Time
The moment I get sidelined from Jiu-Jitsu due to injury, I am starkly reminded of how much of my life revolves around it. Between live training, drilling, conditioning, and reviewing footage, I typically invest around 4-6 hours daily into honing my skills. When you add teaching and writing into the mix, it’s a wonder I find time to eat.
However, once my training is cut down to just 0.5-1 hour a day (and I still attempt to study footage), I find myself with an abundance of free time, which I struggle to fill. I can write for only so long before I feel lost, unsure of how to occupy my time without training, and my mind spirals into anxiety over how my competitors are likely advancing without me.
It's disorienting to confront a day without a structured training regimen. My discipline is what keeps my sanity intact, and when injuries disrupt that routine, I realize how little I truly understand about life outside of my Jiu-Jitsu bubble. This realization is daunting, especially when I’m isolated from friends and the gym.
Subsection 1.1.1: Past Struggles Resurface
This mindset has derailed my days in the past. A few years ago, after tearing my meniscus, I faced a prolonged period of depression that culminated in severe derealization, where my perception of reality felt severed. This experience was one of the hardest battles I’ve ever fought, teaching me resilience I didn’t know I possessed.
Now, every time I face an injury, I am reminded of that time spent sidelined for six months, and the mental turmoil that accompanied it. These memories can be terrifying, prompting me to develop mental strategies to maintain peace and happiness even when chaos looms.
Chapter 2: Confronting Anxiety Head-On
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Section 2.1: The "What If" Game
My anxiety behaves like a persistent child, always demanding to know, "And then what if ____?" (insert a dreadful outcome). Engaging in these internal dialogues has shaped the strategies I rely on to tackle my anxiety. It resembles Tim Ferriss’s “fear-setting,” but I prefer a more profound approach, delving into the essence of my fears.
This practice has illuminated my triggers, aspirations, and deepest fears, allowing me to comprehend how my brain chemistry unconsciously influences my decisions. When I can consciously assess the choices made by my subconscious, I feel empowered—almost superhuman.
Subsection 2.1.1: A Case Study
Let’s consider my current back injury. My first concern was, “My back will likely be sore for a few weeks.” Instantly, my anxiety escalated, questioning, “What if I can’t compete at the ADCC Trials in Poland?” But if that were to occur, I would continue training and aim for the 2024 Trials, likely returning even stronger.
My anxiety then escalated to, “What if my back never heals?” In that case, I’d have to accept a new direction for my life, perhaps as a coach. The most renowned Jiu-Jitsu coach I know is severely limited by his injuries, yet he still excels. I could do the same.
This cycle continues, but I challenge each unsettling thought with rationality, which allows me to reclaim my peace. Ultimately, this approach has led me to a state of greater happiness and reduced anxiety.
Closing Thoughts
I’ve learned that a significant portion of my anxiety stems from disconnecting my rational mind from my ego. The ego clings to significance, while the rational mind seeks logic. By distinguishing these two aspects, I can face anxiety with clear reasoning rather than letting anxious thoughts cloud my judgment.
Writing has been one effective method for me to differentiate between anxious and rational thoughts. Other techniques like verbalizing scenarios, attending therapy, journaling, and engaging in “brain dumping” can yield similar benefits. With practice, this introspection can become second nature, enabling you to tackle anxiety more effectively.