Exploring Human Monogamy: Insights from Science and Nature
Written on
Understanding Monogamy: A Personal Journey
Recently, I was jolted awake in the early hours by my phone ringing. I contemplated silencing it but noticed my best friend's name flashing on the screen. Fearing something serious had occurred, I made a questionable choice: I answered. It turned out to be a breakup, driven by betrayal. For four exhausting hours, I listened to her repeatedly ask, “Why? Why did he do this to me?”
As she shared her pain, I became curious about the concept of monogamy. Are humans inherently monogamous, or is there a biological basis for infidelity? This led me down a path of research.
Investigating Our Closest Relatives: The Great Apes
To start, I delved into the animal kingdom, particularly focusing on our nearest relatives, the great apes. It turns out that monogamy is not common among them. Take bonobos, for instance—they are renowned for their promiscuity, engaging in sexual activities without regard for age or relationship. Their social structure heavily revolves around sexual interactions, allowing for various partner combinations, barring close relatives.
Similarly, chimpanzees form multi-male and multi-female groups where promiscuity reigns. In contrast, gorillas typically exist in polygynous setups, where one male mates with multiple females, while gibbons are the only apes exhibiting predominantly monogamous behavior—albeit with some infidelity.
At this stage, I considered mentioning to my friend that even gibbons are prone to occasional cheating, perhaps normalizing her boyfriend's actions, but seeing her distress made me reconsider. I was determined to find evidence that would portray her boyfriend as an anomaly.
Does Monogamy Exist in the Animal Kingdom?
The situation grew increasingly complex. A BBC article by Josh Gabbatiss stated: “In the animal kingdom, monogamy in the strictest sense of sexual exclusivity is largely a myth.” Frustrated, I suddenly thought of birds. Surely, many bird species are monogamous! According to “The Science of Love and Betrayal” by Robin Dunbar, about 85% of birds engage in monogamous relationships (Dunbar, 2012, p. 63).
However, I soon stumbled upon another article revealing that while many birds are socially monogamous, only 14% are genetically monogamous. This term refers not to lifelong exclusive partnerships, but rather to birds that mate with the same partner for reproduction, even if they engage with others sexually. Even the wild jackdaw, once thought to be strictly monogamous, has shown tendencies for extra-pair copulation. So, it seems that even birds have their share of promiscuity.
What About Human Monogamy?
Despite the myriad examples from the animal world, humans predominantly practice monogamy—perhaps we are the exception to the rule. Bernard Chapais, a Professor of Anthropology, notes that a combination of polygyny and monogamy is prevalent in over 80% of human societies, while strict monogamy appears in about 17% of cultures.
As societal norms evolve, with open and polyamorous relationships gaining acceptance, monogamy remains widespread. It's important to note that even in polygynous societies, only a small percentage of men have multiple wives. So, are we truly monogamous beings, or is it merely a social construct?
Agustín Fuentes, in his book "Race, Monogamy, and Other Lies They Told You," emphasizes that while humans can form strong pair bonds, this does not mean we are biologically predisposed to exclusivity. He states: “Monogamy in humans is a social contract, not a biological reality. We can be monogamous, but our bodies and minds are not specifically designed for it.”
Were My Friend's Boyfriend's Actions Justifiable?
At this point, my friend paused and asked, “So, what do you think?” I was momentarily lost in thought, having been focused on my research for hours.
“Well, ultimately, monogamy doesn’t really exist in nature...” I started to explain, but she interrupted, incredulous. “What?! What are you talking about??”
I attempted to clarify, “It’s essentially a social construct. It’s normal for humans—like other animals—to feel attracted to others, even when in a committed relationship…”
Her silence spoke volumes.
“Even if they form a pair bond, there still might be…,” I continued, but she cut me off, angrily hanging up. Oh well, at least I could catch some more sleep.
The Bottom Line
I am not advocating for infidelity without consequences. Humans, unlike other animals, possess reason. Although we may experience attraction to others outside our relationships, we should consider the potential ramifications of casual encounters. From my lengthy phone call, I gleaned two significant insights:
- It's entirely natural to feel attraction toward someone other than your partner. Choosing to commit to someone you trust doesn’t preclude occasional crushes on others. This should be normalized; open communication with your partner about these feelings is essential. Bottling them up will only lead to bigger issues later.
- Avoid calling friends in the dead of night to announce a breakup—you might end up in hot water!
An exploration of whether humans are naturally monogamous, discussing the biological and social perspectives on human relationships.
A debate on monogamy, examining if humans are inherently monogamous or if polyamory is a natural state for us.