Embracing Inconvenient Truths: Leaving Behind What Holds You Back
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Chapter 1: The Journey of Self-Discovery
This article is an excerpt from my Substack newsletter, Early Riser, where I share my introspective thoughts on the chaotic beauty of our human experience. If you're interested, feel free to subscribe!
My very first word was "pretty," spoken as I gazed upon a backyard blanketed in fresh snow. Years later, I found myself resenting that initial sense of wonder—it became cold, chaotic, and monotonous. When the time was right, I fled from it. Yet, this year, I returned, recognizing that what is cold, chaotic, and familiar is also authentically me.
A few years back, I faced a painful realization: I had broken my own heart. I was in a long-term relationship that everyone believed was my destined path. I let myself embrace that narrative, but in my quiet moments, a persistent voice reminded me that I was missing from the equation. If I continued to nurture that life, I would only further lose myself. So, I chose to walk away from happiness, joy, and belonging, and instead, I delved into self-exploration. I spent months navigating through heartbreak, and whenever I felt the urge to escape, I resisted. Because what felt dark and isolating was also the truest part of my journey.
Section 1.1: Career Offers and Personal Choices
Recently, I encountered two significant career opportunities—both from organizations I deeply respect. For someone grappling with imposter syndrome, this was a life-altering moment. Each offer promised stability, attractive benefits, and wonderful colleagues.
I declined both.
In a podcast discussion with Maria Menounos, the talented Alyson Stoner shared her insights on confronting the fear of leaving behind the familiar for the uncertain. She emphasized that she didn’t need to see the entire path ahead to take that initial step. In essence, Alyson learned to embrace the discomfort of taking the first step without knowing what awaited her.
Right now, I’m not entirely sure where I’m headed; I only know what I’m leaving behind. I'm distancing myself from the notion that my job must dominate my life. I'm rejecting the bargain that compromises my identity for the sake of a title—it's simply not worth it. I'm moving away from the narratives I've constructed around career ambitions and social status.
When I was a teacher, I took pride in the reactions I received when people inquired about my profession. They would pause, surprised, before responding with admiration. It felt like a major accomplishment.
However, I wasn't asked about my job often, primarily because I rarely interacted with new faces. My life revolved around school and my apartment, with only a handful of friends to share those rare moments with. When I did socialize, my conversations invariably revolved around teaching. I consistently turned down invitations because I wasn’t just a teacher; I was an exceptional one. To maintain that status, I had to be solely defined by my job, sacrificing all aspects of myself that didn’t contribute to it. I engaged in meaningful, fulfilling work, yet I sacrificed restful nights and genuine relaxation for four consecutive years.
In my pursuit of professional demands, I lost sight of who I was. Just like the relationship I left behind, the missing piece was me.
This week, I received an offer for a part-time position at a charming little store downtown that I truly adore. The pay is low, there are no benefits, and it doesn’t align with my resume at all. But I’m going to accept it. I’ll figure out the rest later. Sometimes, you realize what feels wrong before you identify what feels right. Sometimes, you can sense what doesn't resonate with your true self, even if you can't articulate it.
The world dictated that I should devote my life to my career. Yet, the quiet voice within me, which I’m learning to trust, was envisioning something radical and transformative. We all possess that inner voice—an incessant whisper of knowing. If we tuned into that and ignored the external noise, how would our lives change? Who could we become?
Can you relate? Share your own story of self-discovery in the comments below.
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Chapter 2: Understanding Your Inner Voice
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