Section 1.1: The "I'm Just Bad At It" Game

Have you ever requested a narcissist to perform a straightforward task—something they should manage without guidance? Yet, they manage to turn it into a complete mess.

Scenario 1:

Imagine asking them to load the dishwasher. They might approach it with a lack of organization, leaving a pile of dirty dishes in the sink because they can't fit more inside. When confronted, they might say, "I guess I'm just bad at it." Even if you demonstrate the proper technique, the next attempt ends in failure, and the cycle repeats until you take over the task, restoring their free time.

Scenario 2:

Consider a newborn waking up at night. You propose a shared schedule with your partner, alternating nights. Yet, they inevitably struggle to soothe the baby alone and call on you for help. They could manage if they genuinely tried, but their lack of effort turns the situation into your responsibility.

Why Engage in This Game?

The "I'm Just Bad At It" tactic is effective because it mirrors a child's behavior to evade chores. Children often claim incompetence to avoid responsibilities, and unfortunately, adult narcissists maintain this childish mindset when permitted to do so.

Are They Truly Incompetent?

Indeed, they are only pretending to be inept. As adults, they should possess the ability to handle basic tasks. Their feigned incompetence serves several purposes: it relieves them of responsibility, conditions you to stop asking for assistance, establishes a parent-child dynamic, and promotes a pattern of giving while they take.

Section 1.2: Questioning the Dynamics

We often become entangled in trivial details that narcissists exploit. They can divert conversations to insignificant matters, prompting responses like, "I can't talk to you when you're like this," or "You need to calm down."

This occurs because we direct our inquiries toward them rather than reflecting on our own circumstances. We have no control over their actions, thoughts, or words. Seeking answers from them is often a futile endeavor; the power lies in our own choices.

Instead of asking them why they refuse to assist or acknowledge your needs, redirect your questions inward. Consider:

• Why am I with someone who struggles with simple tasks?
• What am I tolerating this behavior?
• Is this relationship what I want to demonstrate to my children?
• Can they genuinely be a partner to me?

These questions may lead to uncomfortable realizations. Coming to terms with a partner's narcissism can cast a shadow over the future of your relationship. When this understanding solidifies, action becomes crucial.

It can be daunting to change ingrained behaviors, and this is often when narcissists will discard relationships with those who challenge their reality. They prefer an easy existence over accountability.

If you choose to hold them responsible, I wish you strength; it’s a battle worth fighting.

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Narcissism Informed Trauma and Abuse Life Coach - Discover more about my coaching services at www.cpresleycoaching.com or email me at [email protected]. Alternatively, fill out this form for a free 20-minute discovery call.