How I Created a Multigenerational Co-Living Space Filled with Love
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Chapter 1: A New Beginning
It’s not surprising that my house is home to seven adults, a dog, four cats, and an array of reptiles. However, this wasn’t how it was initially envisioned.
Originally, I secured this residence for my two sons after the passing of my father. One son had been living on the East Coast with him, while the other was navigating various living situations after the pandemic interrupted his college plans.
When COVID-19 struck, both of us found ourselves stuck— I was traveling internationally, and he was confined to his college dorm. We eventually reunited in Los Angeles, where I had been exploring at the time.
After a few months in a deserted Las Vegas, we relocated to Palm Springs for the summer. I realized it was crucial for my younger son, Gavin, to choose where he wanted to settle down. Having grown up in the San Francisco Bay Area, Gavin was eager to try life in the Pacific Northwest, where he had friends in Seattle and a potential roommate in Josh.
Josh, who had been primarily raised by his grandparents and through foster care, was ready to embark on his college journey in Washington. We found them an apartment, but just a year later, tragedy struck with my father's unexpected death.
My oldest son, Taylor, who identifies as LGBTQ+ and is neurodivergent, had traveled the world with me for a year but had chosen to live with my father due to their close bond. Soon, I transitioned from a minimalist lifestyle to managing a six-bedroom home, as Gavin had promised another friend would also be joining us.
Since I was responsible for the rent, I insisted on having my own bedroom. Initially, I didn’t intend to stay long, thinking I might escape to Bali or France. However, after eight years of traveling, this place began to feel like home, and I wanted to enjoy its comfort with my sons.
Two years later, another friend of Gavin's, Jake, moved in. Jake also had a challenging upbringing, with little parental involvement. Recently, Gavin’s girlfriend, Martina from Argentina, joined us, along with Josh’s cousin, Dave, who is in his early thirties.
At 45, I often feel like the wise elder among these young adults. Each one has responsibilities, and I encourage them to pursue education or skilled trades.
Household chores have been a significant source of disagreement. Having been a working woman and an Army wife for 15 years, I can identify areas where the boys could improve. Young men in their twenties often lack understanding of what is expected in mature relationships, and they sometimes struggle to communicate. However, they regularly sit down with me to discuss life, challenges, and aspirations.
As a career coach, I find myself in an unusual but rewarding position as a role model for a household of young men. My upbringing as part of a military family, which often welcomed guests, instilled a sense of openness. Growing up, my parents always had their doors open, offering love to anyone who needed it.
However, I never envisioned myself living with my parents, so this new chapter feels peculiar. The younger generation often prefers my company at home rather than allowing me to venture out, which I surprisingly appreciate. Although I sought less responsibility, I found myself with more, yet I cherish the time spent with my kids. This experience has offered me opportunities to share insights as I witness friends struggle in their marriages due to lack of partnership.
Having Gavin’s girlfriend in the house has provided a chance for them to experience the intricacies of cohabitation. Martina’s bravery in moving here without family inspires me, and I encourage her to express her needs to Gavin, who is improving in his ability to communicate rather than sidestepping conflict.
Taylor is preparing to leave for the Disney College Program in Florida. At 25, he has never lived away from family. His neurodivergence makes social interactions challenging, so this structured program is a suitable first step toward independence. However, I doubt he would have been ready without spending these past three years in a home with diverse housemates.
Jake and Josh have faced different life experiences than my sons. They matured quickly and lacked maternal support until now. I take my role seriously, fostering their confidence and supporting their aspirations with actionable plans.
Josh’s cousin Dave has been a welcome addition, bridging the generational gap and serving as an older brother figure who can offer responsible advice in my absence.
Our home has become a lively space where we all embark on new life chapters together. In an age when technology fosters isolation among the younger generation, the right mix of personalities has motivated them to engage in face-to-face interactions.
Sometimes, we encounter awkward moments, like when one of the boys sneaks a Tinder date out while I’m in the kitchen. We both just pretend it didn’t happen.
Nonetheless, we share joyful moments cooking together, celebrating holidays, and enjoying D&D nights or movie outings whenever a new Marvel film is released. These activities reflect the traditions I built with my boys, where we used to cuddle for movie nights, and now we fill an entire row at the theater.
Witnessing the aging of my family has reinforced my enthusiasm for multigenerational living. I aspire to create a family homestead where love and community thrive.