Chapter 1: Embracing Fear in Writing

The existence of a diamond is a testament to the power of pressure. The renowned poet Robert Frost once said, “No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader.” This resonates deeply with me as I navigate my own fears and anxieties while writing.

Each day, I confront a version of my fears, no matter how they manifest. Witnessing others take significant risks to improve their lives inspires me not to view their success as mere luck but as a testament to their bravery—an embodiment of courage that propels them to pursue their dreams.

My own aspiration has always been to be a catalyst for change, motivating others through my experiences and words. Medium became one of my initial platforms to achieve this goal. Initially, I stumbled upon small sparks of courage to share my thoughts, reminiscent of the feelings many experience when they first start writing publicly.

When I joined Medium a few years ago, publishing my coaching articles, I was a stranger to the community. I didn’t fully grasp the essence of what Medium represented. However, as I immersed myself more into the platform over the past year, the pressure intensified. I began to feel vulnerable—exposed as an open book. My flaws and insecurities felt like a spotlight, and I feared they might drive others away.

Do these feelings resonate with you as well?

Being open about my imperfections was once an act of generosity towards others. Recently, though, it seems to have backfired, fueling self-doubt as I grapple with the stark reality of my earnings on the platform. Strangely, I don’t experience this same self-criticism in other aspects of my life.

The triggers I encounter on Medium often echo the emotions I felt as a shy child ostracized by peers. I don’t feel excluded here, but I do experience moments of awkwardness and self-doubt. Am I still that young girl? Do I come across as a victim instead of a champion for overcoming life’s challenges?

I find solace in reading the painful stories of other writers, appreciating their courage to share their struggles without seeing them as victims. Yet, I recently caught myself judging my own experiences harshly, perceiving them as cries for attention. This wasn’t how I envisioned my journey.

I’ve cultivated friendships with compassionate writers who remind me of my strengths, allowing me to view myself through their supportive lenses. My former Life Coach referred to this as collective evidence—using the positive affirmations from others to counteract self-criticism. However, this support often feels insufficient when I am in a low state of mind.

Being part of an online community can reflect our real-life interactions. Personally, I often isolate myself, leading to bouts of self-doubt about my work and aspirations. The past few days have been particularly challenging, reminding me that we must accept these periods of struggle, especially when we feel isolated or overwhelmed.

Wayne Dyer, the esteemed author and speaker, once illustrated a powerful concept with a conversation about oranges. He asked a young man what would emerge if an orange were squeezed. The answer was revealing: just as anger or bitterness may flow from a person under pressure, it indicates what lies within. This analogy resonates with me as I recognize that Medium serves as my own orange squeezer, drawing forth hidden insecurities I hadn’t acknowledged.

Over the past year, I’ve been writing relentlessly, often neglecting breaks. Instead of finding joy in creativity, I became fixated on escaping my current predicament and striving for financial stability. I mistakenly assumed my journey should parallel those of other writers, leading to unproductive comparisons that stripped me of the joy of writing.

This week, I even told myself I wasn’t a writer. How many of us have been there? I felt defeated, contemplating stepping away from writing altogether. The pressure I had placed on myself led to burnout.

I learned from another writer that taking breaks from Medium could be beneficial for recharging. I was not only exhausted but also disappointed in both myself and the platform. I craved validation while failing to recognize my own worth. What does that say about me?

Chapter 2: The Impact of Comparison

Comparison truly is the thief of joy. Medium can amplify our vulnerabilities and emotional triggers. If we struggle to appreciate our contributions, maintaining balance becomes increasingly challenging, particularly when we unconsciously gauge our worth based on external validation.

In my freelance journalism training, I was taught to write selflessly, steering clear of a first-person perspective. This approach can complicate writing personal essays and memoirs, causing our vulnerabilities to surface.

Understanding the roots of our insecurities is crucial. Finding ways to address these underlying issues can lead to healing. Remember to take a step back and breathe. It’s okay to feel frustrated, but be gentle with yourself.