Chapter 1: The Trap of Seeking Validation

In contemplating whether to engage in this discussion, I realized that platforms like Medium have the potential to help me grow as a writer and, more importantly, to write without fear.

For over a decade, I have grappled with a range of issues, including debilitating writer's block and feelings of inadequacy. These terms don't fully capture the depth of my experience, and I know many of you likely share similar struggles. This shared challenge is why I've chosen to confront it head-on. I aim to keep this straightforward and authentic, eschewing any pretense or poetic embellishments.

For those of you striving to improve your craft, heed this warning: it's a trap.

As I elaborate on this, I want to reflect on my early writing experiences. Though I wouldn’t have labeled them as such at the time, my early endeavors involved crafting narratives. This journey began during my high school years. Unlike many of my peers, I never maintained a diary, but when tasked with a writing prompt in German class, a creative spark ignited within me, compelling me to pour my thoughts onto the page.

When it came time to present my work to the class, I didn't seek applause; I longed for silence. In hindsight, the quiet moments following my readings resonate most profoundly in my memories.

My scripted podcast, "A German Girl In Hollywood," marked a peak in my creative expression. This project brought me immense joy, not because it was flawless, but because it nurtured every facet of my creativity. It was an immersive performance in a virtual auditory landscape. I wrote, recorded, and edited the show, layering in sound effects and musical elements. I shared it simply on Facebook and my website, without concern for metrics or audience size.

After two seasons, I stepped away. Why? Because of the trap.

A few short stories, some writing classes, and several incomplete screenplays later, I find myself at a crossroads. I feel stuck between decisions regarding the type of writer I aspire to be. Should I pursue fiction or non-fiction? Short pieces or longer narratives? Blogging or contributing occasionally?

My ambition is to align with a major publisher, so I diligently researched article structures and optimal lengths. I crafted a piece of 1,875 words, tailored to what I assumed readers desired.

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And not keep going back to them.

This irony is not lost on me, and laughter is not just welcome but encouraged.

Nine individuals viewed my work, and the response was underwhelming.

Ultimately, I’ve realized that I’ve become the kind of writer who, after years of struggle, finally found inspiration only to confine it. I’ve let my muse become a mere shadow of its potential. Every fixation on views, applause, or earnings adds another link to the chains of self-doubt I've placed upon her.

I’ve become so consumed with achieving recognition on this writing platform, where I have a modest following of 327 and a mere 13 published pieces, that I lost sight of what truly matters: I am writing.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, you know that finally embracing the act of writing feels like gaining a new lease on life.

The evidence is clear: people may applaud without engaging with your work, and ultimately, that is none of my concern. Becoming preoccupied with statistics and earnings is a trap that ensnares both you and your muse.

I recognize that more experienced writers might argue differently, and I can appreciate their perspective. However, I’ve concluded that my focus should not be on my outcomes. My primary responsibility is to show up, to sit down, and to write. I must absorb feedback and use it solely for growth. My aim is to write, improve, and become consistent.

The only outcome I should pursue is the fulfillment I derive from articulating the thoughts swirling in my mind and what my muse has inspired in me.

It’s time to free myself. To nourish my muse and keep her vibrant and alive. That is my mission.

What about you?

Chapter 2: Embracing Authenticity in Writing

Book Reading: Clap - This video explores the dynamics of applause in the literary world, questioning the significance of audience reactions in the writing process.

How to ask for applause (don't say PLEASE CLAP!) - This video delves into the nuances of seeking validation and applause, encouraging authentic engagement rather than superficial approval.