Chapter 1: Discovering Confidence

The concept of confidence first crossed my mind during a lunch meeting back in 2003. It was my inaugural business gathering, fresh out of regular employment, where I aimed to start an educational venture with a newfound acquaintance. We had sought advice from an experienced entrepreneur, and I felt like an outsider, lacking any entrepreneurial background.

As they discussed complex topics such as customer acquisition costs and marketing strategies, I sat quietly, overwhelmed and unsure. It was a stark contrast to their ease and familiarity, leaving me feeling small and out of place. At that moment, I wondered: How could I embody the same self-assurance they exhibited?

While I didn’t perceive myself as insecure—my previous job had provided me with a sense of competence—I realized that confidence was rooted in familiarity. Now, venturing into entrepreneurship felt daunting.

Fast forward twenty years, and I now find myself contemplating confidence again—not for myself, but for those around me. I often see reflections of my former self in friends and fellow entrepreneurs, hesitant and reticent. This led me to ponder: How did I evolve to where I am today? What does it take to cultivate genuine confidence that allows one to navigate life’s fluctuations with poise?

To answer that, I needed to understand the origins of confidence. According to Psychology Today, confidence is defined as “a belief in oneself and the conviction that one has the ability to face life’s challenges and succeed—along with the willingness to act accordingly.”

We are all born with an inherent seed of confidence. Observing toddlers reveals this; they explore their surroundings unhesitatingly. This innate confidence, or self-esteem, can flourish in a supportive environment or become stunted in negativity, but it can never be eradicated.

Consider the story of a girl who rose from a troubled childhood marked by poverty and abuse to become Oprah Winfrey. Or a boy who struggled with speech to become Winston Churchill. These individuals are reminders that many ordinary heroes exist, rising to realize their potential despite overwhelming odds.

A common thread ties them together: they envisioned a better future for themselves, using that vision to propel themselves beyond their circumstances. At a pivotal moment, they declared, “I deserve better.”

Self-esteem transcends specific skills or situations; it embodies an overall evaluation of oneself. As Oprah noted, it arises from defining the world on your own terms and resisting others' judgments.

Upon leaving my job, I saw greater potential within myself than my previous role allowed. This realization ignited my desire to pursue entrepreneurship, despite the uncertainties it entailed. I may not have known the exact path, but I was determined to create something remarkable.

What about you? Do you have a vision for yourself? Establishing one can provide immediate purpose in your life. Those with a clear vision exhibit a certain momentum, both in speed and direction.

When embarking on my journey to establish a business, I encountered numerous unknowns: How do I manage finances? What constitutes an invoice? How do I market my services? It became evident that I needed to return to learning multiple times to navigate the educational sector, pun intended.

The challenge of acquiring a new skill often requires us to embrace looking foolish. Accepting this notion frees us to explore new skills without hesitation. As the saying goes, every master was once a disaster.

Gradually, I gained knowledge and improved my abilities, yet it felt akin to traversing a complex maze. It’s common to believe you’re on the right path only to encounter dead ends. I learned that hard work does not always guarantee success; confidence often means embracing failure.

Despite my dedication, my initial business endeavor ultimately failed after two years. This experience left me feeling defeated, plagued by self-doubt and regrets. However, I realized that this setback was also a valuable opportunity for growth. Each challenge I faced equipped me to deal with future obstacles more adeptly.

In addition to emotional resilience, I discovered that resourcefulness is crucial to confidence. I approached my business as I would a job—immersing myself in tasks without seeking additional experiences like networking or industry research. With my business's closure, I finally had the time to do just that.

I entered a new realm of Public Relations. While assisting an acquaintance with PR tasks, I found that the skills required came more naturally to me than anticipated. I embraced the challenge, eager to master PR's art and science.

Until that point, I had never considered myself a writer or PR consultant, yet I found myself crafting press releases and pitching to media outlets. Openness to new experiences can unveil hidden strengths and unlock new possibilities.

As I ventured further into the business world, I connected with entrepreneurs from diverse industries, gaining insights that surpassed what I could learn from books. I learned about intellectual property, effective contracts, design elements, and online monetization strategies. Eventually, I began sharing my knowledge about PR with other entrepreneurs, expanding my network and enhancing my personal brand.

I acquired a myriad of skills, honing a few to proficiency. It’s essential to recognize that trying new things is the goal. I began many skills at a novice level, like networking and writing, working through mistakes and setbacks. I realized some skills were worth pursuing while others were not worth my time.

Today, I excel in brand communications consulting, enriched by a broader knowledge base that enhances my core competencies. Embracing a T-shaped mindset—deepening specialization while remaining open to new experiences—has fortified my self-efficacy, or belief in my ability to achieve goals.

During the lockdown, this self-efficacy propelled me to conduct webinars on Zoom, even as many were just beginning to explore remote meeting platforms. Nowadays, I incorporate AI into my consulting services, streamlining repetitive tasks and creating efficient systems for my business.

Chapter 2: Building Your Support Network

To cultivate true confidence, seek out the right community. Life's journey is rarely traveled alone.

One significant factor in my rapid learning was the community I engaged with. As you progress, you will encounter three types of people: those on a similar path, those who have already achieved what you aspire to and are willing to help, and enthusiastic supporters cheering for your success.

Surrounding yourself with these individuals can amplify your positivity and growth. Conversely, it’s crucial to distance yourself from three detrimental types of people: those who complain about their struggles, those who have mastered skills but offer no support, and critics who’ve never attempted what you’re doing.

Sometimes, these negative influences may come from close friends or family. While it can be challenging, creating distance from them can be beneficial for your personal development.

These six types of individuals exist in every community. By discerning who you allow into your inner circle, you open yourself up to a world of possibilities. This awareness fosters a continual state of empowerment, marking the moment you realize you’ve cultivated genuine confidence.

You will come to understand your strengths and weaknesses, able to acknowledge both with ease. No longer will you simply assert, “I deserve better.” Instead, you’ll confidently proclaim, “I can be better—at any time!”