Chapter 1: The Joy of Gender Euphoria

Experiencing gender euphoria can be incredibly uplifting, and I find myself in one of those moments right now!

This feeling is undeniable and exhilarating.

Sunday 5/26/2024

Regardless of how it may seem, I never chose this path; it’s just part of who I am. My mind is constantly filled with thoughts about gender, day in and day out, often focusing on things most men don't typically ponder, like how to style a denim jacket.

I’m aware that my wife prefers a more masculine version of me, and I can certainly embrace that. However, there are times when my thoughts drift toward wanting to dress beautifully, which I know I can achieve!

She encourages me to pursue what feels right. It's liberating to fully immerse myself in this expression.

While working from home, I sense that my wife is okay with me embracing my feminine side, though I'm uncertain about her feelings. It’s been a long time since I took the opportunity to present myself this way, and she hasn't shown any signs of discontent. Still, I know her opinions on women who take too much time to prepare.

I catch glimpses of myself in the mirror and realize that my reflection doesn’t align with traditional masculinity. Although I feel a bit shy and self-conscious, this is something I need.

Lingering feelings of guilt from before I understood what it meant to be transgender or experience gender dysphoria still haunt me, likely influenced by societal norms and religious beliefs.

Since I was four years old, the sense that I should have been born female has been unwavering. Now, as I look in the mirror, I see a reflection that resembles the woman I might have been. I need to take a moment, close my eyes, breathe deeply, and relish this feeling.

Monday 5/27/2024

I woke up early today, filled with excitement to dress up in feminine attire once again. The joy from yesterday’s experience was too good to pass up, and I plan to do this more frequently.

Today, we’ll be heading to our favorite grocery store café to work for a few hours. Although I can’t dress up fully, I can wear a lovely women’s shorts and t-shirt outfit. While it may not fully express who I am, it still allows me to feel connected to my true self.

This year, I haven’t been able to dress as femininely as I would like. My public gender expression has improved over the years, yet I still don’t present as female. However, I find comfort in knowing that many cisgender women are tall and have a more masculine appearance, which makes me feel less isolated.

My time at home, where I can express my femininity freely, has also improved. I can tell my wife notices this change. I have my moments of insecurity regarding my appearance, but overall, I believe that if society weren't so caught up in fabricated issues surrounding trans identities, I might be more readily accepted just based on my efforts and a warm smile. Still, I struggle with the notion that I don’t pass as a woman.

I admire trans women who, despite not passing, boldly live their truth in the world. I wish I possessed that same strength.

While I don’t want to dwell on the past, I sometimes wish I could go back to when I was ten years old and provide my younger self with all the answers to my gender questions, along with a roadmap to become the person I need to be.

In the video "Chasing The Feeling: Finding Your Gender Euphoria," we explore the profound sense of joy and acceptance that comes from embracing one’s true gender identity.

Chapter 2: Understanding Gender Dysphoria

The video "Why Gender Dysphoria Often Gets Worse Before Getting Better" delves into the challenges many face during their transition, highlighting the emotional complexities of gender dysphoria.