Finding Authentic Gratitude: How to Shift Your Mindset
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Understanding Gratitude
For much of my life, my perspective on gratitude was misguided. During periods of depression, I would remind myself of the privileges I had, such as access to mental health support and a supportive family. However, this didn’t alleviate my feelings; it only pushed them aside.
I recall moments when I felt the urge to complain about trivial matters, like the cramped, outdated kitchen of my middle-class family home. My parents would respond with reminders to be thankful for what we had. While I understand the intention behind their words, such sentiments often left me feeling more frustrated than grateful.
This pattern of thinking led me to adopt a mindset based on comparisons, where I would measure my minor grievances against the more significant struggles of others. Essentially, it became an exercise in minimizing my own feelings—always finding a reason to say, “At least I’m not dealing with [insert struggle].”
As I transitioned into adulthood, this approach persisted. I often dismissed my own struggles, mistakenly equating them with entitlement, even though many feelings of inadequacy are valid. However, I eventually recognized the flaws in this mindset.
The Misinterpretation of Gratitude
Let me clarify: I’m not advocating for the dismissal of sentiments that acknowledge privilege. It’s essential to teach sensitivity and awareness, especially to younger generations. I appreciate the lessons about how fortunate I am to have access to education and a stable home.
However, these lessons should not be conflated with true gratitude. They serve as moments for learning but do not inherently cultivate a genuine sense of appreciation.
How I Transformed My Perspective
I'm unsure of the exact moment my perspective shifted. It may have occurred during the pandemic when I faced heightened mental health challenges. Perhaps it was during a family reunion after months apart, or simply a mundane moment that I can no longer recall.
What I do know is that I started to find joy in the small things—like curling up with a cup of tea and a good book or sharing what I was thankful for during family gatherings. Conflicts became less about reaction and more about gratitude for my routine, my cozy apartment, my friends, and my family.
Gradually, I began to feel a consistent sense of gratitude. Each night, I would reflect on how fortunate I was to be warm and safe while the rain fell outside. I held onto the anticipation of the following day. My awareness of my privileges remained, but I no longer allowed it to overshadow my feelings.
The Dangers of Comparison
The saying "comparison is the thief of joy" rings true. This realization often comes with age and experience. Comparing oneself to others—whether it’s your shortcomings against their successes or the other way around—detracts from genuine gratitude and fosters a deficit mindset.
Gratitude should stem from personal reflection and be free from external influences.
Why Individual Gratitude Matters
Authentic gratitude arises from your own thoughts and feelings. If you claim to be grateful simply because you’re aware that someone else has it better, is that true gratitude? More often than not, it’s merely relief that you haven’t faced a worse situation.
This approach reduces gratitude to a superficial acknowledgment, preventing us from truly appreciating what we cherish. Without that depth, we cannot fully experience the joy that gratitude offers, especially during challenging times.
Practicing Gratitude Effectively
There is no definitive guide to practicing gratitude; it’s more of a continuum where we can grow and discover more meaning. Understanding what gratitude isn’t—such as comparison or inauthenticity—can help clarify its true essence.
Rather than fixate on doing it "correctly," focus on those genuine moments that evoke feelings of contentment. Have you ever enjoyed a quiet morning with coffee, taken a deep breath, and felt blissful? Or received a comforting hug from a friend after a tough day? These are instances of genuine gratitude.
The more we recognize and reflect on these moments, the more we can integrate gratitude into our lives. Whether it’s through guided meditation, journaling, or simply being present, the practice is personal.
In these challenging times, we all need something to hold onto. For many, simply reading and reflecting is a luxury. It's crucial to remember that gratitude is not a panacea for the world's pain but a source of strength. It helps us find light in dark times and empowers us to strive for a brighter future.
This TEDx talk by Keka DasGupta discusses how we often mispractice gratitude and offers insights into embracing a more authentic approach.
This video explains common mistakes people make while gratitude journaling and provides tips on how to do it effectively.