You Perceive Only What Others Reveal

We often interpret our relationships through an idealized lens, hoping that others will conform to our expectations. Instead of accepting individuals as they truly are, we often wish for them to be perfect, waiting for them to adjust to our desires. This mindset causes unnecessary emotional pain.

When making significant choices, it's crucial to abandon the hope that others will change for you. Acknowledge the person in front of you and don’t anticipate their transformation to fit your narrative. Remember, people evolve; the individual you engage with today may be vastly different from the one you met years ago. As journalist Dorie Clark points out in Forbes, it's vital to examine your assumptions continuously and remain open to how you perceive others and their roles in your life.

Expecting Mind-Reading from Others

Even in long-term relationships, it is unreasonable to think someone can read your mind or fully grasp your feelings. Assuming that others should inherently understand your needs is a form of entitlement that leads to disappointment.

“It is hard for someone to live up to your expectations when they don’t know what they are, but you still might see this failure as a violation of your social contract,” states psychologist John A. Johnson in Psychology Today. As adults, it’s our duty to express our needs rather than presuming they will be intuitively met. While communicating your desires doesn’t guarantee fulfillment, it allows others to understand your perspective before they make decisions.

Your Needs Won't Always Take Priority

While there may be instances where your needs are acknowledged, don’t expect others to consistently prioritize your feelings or preferences. Everyone is navigating their own challenges and biases, making it unrealistic to assume they will always consider your emotions during their decision-making process.

Advocate for yourself. You don’t need permission from anyone to pursue your desires or validate your experiences. If you can’t find a companion for your next adventure, be your own best friend and embark on the journey solo. As writer Jo Ritchie emphasizes, “Instead of spending our every waking hour thinking about that other person and forgetting ourselves, we (and our partners!) would be better served by focusing on ourselves.”

Reinforcing Your Boundaries

If you want your boundaries to be respected, you must articulate and uphold them clearly. This is an ongoing process. Establishing boundaries stems from a healthy sense of self-worth, which is not reliant on others' opinions or feelings, as noted by psychologist Mariana Bockarova. Open, honest discussions about expectations and needs are essential for nurturing healthy relationships.

Accepting Imperfection in Yourself and Others

No one is without flaws, including yourself. Stop holding unrealistic expectations for perfection. Every individual has quirks and imperfections that contribute to their identity. It's important to allow people the space to make mistakes.

“The reality of life is that it is imperfect. People make mistakes, everyone experiences setbacks, relationships take work, and what you see on social media is often curated,” says Marc Shulman. Expecting perfection can lead to disappointment and hinder your ability to embrace opportunities.